What Are You Hoping For?
by LiveInFear
Summary: What really happened in the gap between season 4 and 5. My twist on things. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Where Are You Now?

**DISCLAIMER**: _I don't own anything except my imagination._

Do you remember what it's like to be young and in love? To go weak at the knees with the sound of his voice. To tremble from every touch, every glance. To forget to breath sometimes because you're so mesmerised. I do. I also remember what it's like that have that all fall apart. To lose everything I had and hoped for.

Lucas Scott. I could never resist that boy. The way his bright blue eyes would gleam when he smiled. How his voice would come out low and husky after he'd just woken up. And how no matter how hard I tried to be moody and depressed, he always seemed to make everything seem okay.

But now, instead of Lucas, I had Brennan. Oh Brennan. That boy made my heart jump out of my chest. He came into my life when everything else was falling apart. He managed to cheer me up when everything was blue. Ease my pain when I was struggling. He gave me something to hope for, to dream about. He was my everything. Brennan was not only my best friend...he was my son.

His bright blue eyes were always the first thing to hit me when I woke up in the morning. His beautiful blue orbs that held an incredible depth, yet overwhelming innocence.

"Morning Mumma."

"Good morning beautiful..." I sighed, reaching my arm around his waist and pulled him into a tight hug.

I loved the mornings. Nothing but precious moments with my beautiful boy. The laziness of laying in bed with Brennan, listening to him ramble on about his hopes and dreams. Running my hands through his thick blonde curls. Playing with his tiny, fragile fingers. I wish the mornings would last forever. But they didn't. And when our precious moments had to end, I pulled myself and Brennan from bed and stumbled into the bathroom where I placed him on the bathroom bench.

"Mumma, where are we going today?"

He asked this question every morning and every morning I longed to give him a more thrilling answer than - "Well you're going to kindy, and I'm going to work and then we're going to Joe's Cafe for dinner." But this day was no different to the last.

"Again?"

"I'm sorry baby. Trust me...one day, it's gunna change. One day we're going to go some place interesting. I promise. But I need to go to work to get the money to make that possible. Now here, take you medicine like a good boy" I told him, handing him his medicine cup which he begrudgingly swallowed.

"Yuck" he scowled. "Don't worry, I trust you Mumma. Now can we play some tunes?"

"You're definitely my son."


	2. You're My Every Minute Of Every Day

"Peyton, you're late!"

Just the words I'd expected to hear when I walked into work.

"I know, I'm sorry. I had trouble catching a taxi...sorry. I'll...I'll work late."

I dreaded saying those three words. It meant leaving Brennan at kindy for longer than normal.

"Well good. Don't be late again."

I sighed and nodded before heading into my office and taking a seat before placing my head on my stone cold desk.

"Coffee?"

Lilla, my fellow assistant to the assistant greeted me with a cup of coffee as per usual. She'd become one of my few friends over the past few years.

"Thank you." I smiled, taking the coffee from her grasp and taking a sip.

"Bad morning?" she asked, taking a seat behind her own desk.

"It's nothing really..." I lied.

"You're a bad liar Peyton" she smirked. "Come on...spill."

"Its..." I sighed and gave in at the sight of Lilla's not convinced face. "Today's not a good today. Today's exactly 5 years since Lucas proposed."

"Ahhh Lucas. The love of your life, father of your child. Hmmm...yeah, that's nothing" she joked.

"Lilla..."

"Man, you need to move on. Go on a date. Have a one night stand. Whatever. It's not healthy to stay hooked on your childhood sweetheart forever. Your 24 Peyton...go live like a 24 year old."

"You know it's not that simple. I have Brennan to think about. I can't just throw myself into something that could hurt him. Besides, I need to focus on work right now, so I can earn enough money to get out of here" I told her, shrugging my shoulders.

To be honest, it was hard enough to save enough money to pay for rent and kindy and Brennan's medicine, let alone to get out of this place. I'd sold my car just to get by after I had Brennan, and now I was scrimping and scraping to provide my son with everything he needed. If only it were as simple as Lilla made it out to be.

--

"Mumma, Mumma!"

Brennan ran directly towards me, jumping straight into my arms.

"How are you B. Sawyer?" I asked.

"Hungry. Can we go to Joe's now?"

"Of course. What do you want to eat?"

"I'm thinking a Smiley Burger and curly fries and a cherry soda...oooh and some ice-cream."

"Sounds good, let's go then."

I smiled, taking his hand and leading him out of the building.

"How was your day Mumma?"

"My day was alright, much better now that I'm with you of course though."

"Of course." He smirked.

"I heard some pretty cool music today." I told him after rolling my eyes at his previous comment.

"Awesome. Can I hear it?" he beamed.

"Sure can. As soon as we get to Joe's I'll play it to you."

"Sweet. Oh Mumma...Dean asked me if I wanted to go over his place tomorrow and play basketball."

"Oh...basketball hey?" I hesitated. "Sounds fun."

He was definitely my son. Good taste in music, decent artist for a 4 and a half year old, and of course, looked awesome in a leather jacket. But he had Lucas' blood running in his veins for sure. Basketball was his guilty pleasure. I'd tried to keep it out of his life, but when he saw some kids playing basketball in the park, he'd fallen in love with it straight away.

"Hey Peyton. Brennan. How are my favourite customers today?" Joe asked us as we sat down at our usual table.

"We're good Joe. Mumma heard some cool tunes today that she's gunna show me" Brennan beamed.

"Awesome. Well what can I get you two?"

"A Smiley Burger, curly fries and a cherry soda" Brennan told him, nodding his head in conclusion.

"Nice choice. And how about you Peyton?"

"Just a coffee for me Joe. I had a big lunch" I lied. "Thanks."

"Coffee it is. I'll be back soon" Joe smiled, leaving our table.

"So how about those tunes Mumma?" Brennan nudged.

"Oh right. Of course."


	3. Where Do You Go When You're Lonely?

"So Peyton, you'll come with me to this meeting then."

Shit. I'd fallen asleep in another meeting. Last time I'd done that, I ended up promising to do all the extra filing and labeling.

"Oh...oh yeah, of course."

"Well good. It's settled then. Peyton will come to the conference with me in Tree Hill and..."

Every word he said after that seemed like a fuzzy blur to me. Tree Hill...as in my home town Tree Hill? I had to figure out a way to get out of this. As soon as the meeting finished I rushed to Lilla's side.

"Lilla, you have to go to the meeting for me" I pleaded.

"Why? Because you fell asleep in another meeting and promised to go to a conference in your home town...and you don't wanna go, because if you go, you'll have to take Brennan, and what if you run into Brooke, or Haley and Nathan...or Lucas" she teased.

"Lilla...please, don't mock me" I enforced.

"Fine, I'll go. When is it?"

"Wednesday."

"Ooooh, sorry man, no can do. I'm gunna be out of town at the Forte Festival. Sorry."

"Shit."

--

"So Brennan, I have something to tell you" I announced, taking a sip of my coffee.

"What Mumma?"

"Well, we're going on a trip on Wednesday" I told him, stealing a carrot from his plate.

"Where?"

"Tree Hill" I told him.

"Isn't that where you're from?"

"It sure is. I've got a conference for work I have to go to there, and seeming as my boss is looking to set up an agency there, it might take a few days...so you're coming with me" I informed him.

"Cool. Does this mean I get to meet all your friends, and go to the river court?"

"Well, I'll make sure I'll take you to the river court...but I'm not sure about meeting my friends. It's late notice, and they're all really busy...but we'll see."

"Yay!"

--

"Come on Brennan, get out of the bathroom, we're gunna be late" I called.

"Coming Mumma" he replied, wheeling his mini Spiderman suitcase behind him, his tattered orange basketball in the other hand.

"What've you got in the suitcase B. Sawyer?" I asked, eyeing the basketball in his right hand.

"You know, CD's, a couple of vinyl's, some crayons...just a few odds and ends" he smiled.

Oh boy was he my son.

"Well come on, let's go."

The trip to Tree Hill seemed to take forever. Whilst Brennan drew away merrily, headphones in his ear, I stared out the window wondering what I was going to do. What was I going to do if I ran into one of them? What would I say? Hi Brooke, remember me, your best friend who stopped returning your calls 4 and a half years ago with no explanation. Well that was because Lucas and I had broken up and I was pregnant, and I was too afraid to tell anyone. Perhaps - Hi Haley, Nathan. How's that whole child raising thing going. Sorry I wasn't there to help you with it, kinda had one of my own to deal with. Or how about - Hi Lucas, I have a surprise for you. You have a 4 and a half year old son by the name of Brennan that I've neglected to tell you about.

"We're here."

Here goes nothing.


	4. Ever Been Alone In A Crowded Room?

"Peyton Sawyer!"

Oh shit. I hadn't lasted 10 minutes in Tree Hill without being recognised. I turned to face the source of my name, and there she was. The brunette spitfire that had once been my best friend.

"Brooke..."

"Where the hell have you been? I thought you'd fallen off the face of the planet. I tried calling you so many times. What happened?"

Before I had a chance to reply, Brennan came running up behind me, screaming.

"Mumma, Mumma. I left my Ramones shirt at home."

Brooke's eyes widened. Her mouth fell open.

"Errr..." I turned and bent down to Brennan's height. "It's okay, you can borrow mine. How about you go back into the hotel and put some music on to give the place a bit more character."

"Okay Mumma" he beamed, turning and running back into the hotel.

I stood up slowly and turned around, awaiting Brooke's ridiculing gaze.

"Mumma?" she glared. "What the hell happened P. Sawyer?"

"Hi Brooke. Nice to see you too. Sorry I've gotta go. Cya round."

I went to turn and walk away but was stopped by a Brooke's hand on my shoulder.

"Woah, woah, woah. Hold up. What's going on?" she asked, her eyes wide with confusion.

I let out a deep sigh, giving into the fact that I'd have to tell her.

"Hi Brooke. That was Brennan. He's my son. He's 4 and a half and he enjoys music, art and...basketball." I laughed nervously.

A viscous silence overcame us.

"He's Luke's." She stuttered.

"Yeah" I sighed.

"He doesn't know does he?" she questioned.

"Errr...no. He doesn't. And I'd rather you didn't tell him..."

"Well you better hurry up, coz if someone see's him running around they're gunna put two and two together..."

"I know...just...just give me a chance okay."

"Okay." She let out a deep breath and sighed. "Peyton...what happened to you?"

--

I sighed, falling back onto my bed. That conference had been alot more intense than I'd thought it would be.

"Mumma, who was that lady you were talking to earlier?" Brennan asked jumping up onto the bed beside me.

"That, Brennan, is my friend Brooke. Remember I told you about her."

"Oh yeah, the clothing line one..." He smiled.

"That's her."

"She's pretty."

"She is hey" I laughed. "So, how about I take you to the river court."

"Really? Yay!" he squealed jumping off the bed and running to get his ball.

--

"Woah, this place is awesome" Brennan exclaimed.

"I know. It's beautiful."

"Can I play mumma?"

"Of course you can. I'll just be sitting right over there" I told him, pointing to the grandstand.

He ran over to the court, basketball in hand. He loved that thing. It was his 3rd birthday present from me. It was all I could afford at the time. It was beautiful and shiny the day I gave it to him, but was now tattered and marked. His face lit up the moment his eyes fell upon it. He was his fathers son in that regard.

"Well, well, well. Peyton Sawyer. What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"Nathan Scott" I smirked, turning around.

"Where have you been?" he asked, taking a seat in the grandstand beside me.

"Nowhere...everywhere" I replied.

A comfortable silence fell between us.

"He's beautiful Peyton."

"Thanks."

"Dodgy jump shot thought" he laughed.

"Hey!" I squeaked, slapping him playfully. "How's Haley...and Jamie?"

"Haley's great. She's working at Tree Hill High...teaching music. And Jamie...well, he's Jamie. He's a bundle of energy. Extremely intelligent, like his mum. And he's got a better jump shot than..."

"Brennan. Brennan Scott Sawyer."

"How old is he?"

"4 and a half."

Another silence fell between us. This one wasn't as comfortable as the last.

"Does everybody know?" I asked.

"Pretty much...you know Brooke can't help but talk. Lucas doesn't though. I don't even think he knows your back."

"I'm not back...I'm just here on business."

"Well...even if it's just for business...it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too."

"Now do you mind if I go teach Brennan over there how it's really done."

"Go right ahead" I laughed.


	5. Why Did I Choose These Mistakes?

Have you ever had one of those days where you just didn't want to get out of bed. Where you wished you could just lie there all day and forget that the outside world existed. Well this was one of those days. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew it was one of those days. Brennan was fast asleep beside me, as I realised he should be as soon as the bright red numbers on the alarm clock behind him illuminated themselves to me. 4:52. Great. I'd had a whole 3 hours sleep. I sighed and rolled over, peeling myself from the mattress and onto my feet. Scuffing my feet along the carpet, I headed towards the bathroom and turned on the shower. It was going to be a long, long day,

--

"So P. Sawyer. Tell me everything, right from where you stopped returning my calls and totally disappeared from the face of the planet" Brooke insisted.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair before taking a sip of my coffee.

"When Lucas and I broke up, I was scared and alone. I was 19 and pregnant...and whilst that may have worked for Haley...it was not exactly what I was expecting. I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. So I sold my apartment and moved into a smaller one, dedicated my life to work and between the time Lucas and I broke up and I gave birth, I didn't talk to anyone. And then I had Brennan. He was a month premature and had to spend 5 months in intensive care. He's got Lucas's heart condition. When he was born, his heart wasn't even beating. The doctors thought for sure I'd lose him. But...he made it. I took him home from the hospital when he was 6 months old. I spent over a year on welfare, scrimping and scraping every cent I could so that I could pay for rent, and food, and his medication. When he was 18 months, the doctors game him the all clear to go into daycare, so I could go back to work and earn some money. And the rest...well, lead me to now."

I let out a deep breath when I finished my ramble. Brooke reached forward and placed her hand on top of mine.

"Why didn't you tell anyone. I would have dropped everything to come and help you if I knew..."

"That's exactly why. I didn't wanna be a burden on everyone. I thought, it would just be easier if I stayed away and dealt with it by myself. I didn't realise that when little boys go to daycare they come home asking questions about why their mummy doesn't have any friends, and why he doesn't have a daddy..."

"Why didn't you tell Luke?"

A silence overcame us. I tried so hard not to break down into tears right then and there. Deep breaths...deep breaths.

"He came to visit me. I thought it was going to be the perfect time to tell him I was pregnant...but then he proposed. I wasn't ready to get married. I was 19, pregnant and scared. I told him that maybe in a year I would be ready...but he flipped out...and when I woke up the next morning...he was gone. I was mad that he'd left. I was confused. I just...I thought if he couldn't wait around a year for me to be ready to marry him...then he would in no way want to be a father. On Brennan's birthday each year I would tell myself I was going to call him. But I'd just end up sitting staring at the phone for hours until it was too late to call, and I'd just tell myself I'd put it off to next year..."

The tears were now falling thick and fast. No matter how hard I tried to hold them back, they just kept falling.

"Peyton...you've got to tell him."

"I know...I know. I just...I don't want him to hate me for keeping this from him."

"It's Luke...he could never hate you." She smiled, handing me a tissue. "Now, are you going to introduce me to mini-you or what?"

"Sure" I let out a laugh before wiping my eyes. "Brennan. Brennan turn the music off and come over here will you? I want you to meet my friend."

Brennan turned the CD player off and ran towards where Brooke and I sat on the bed.

"You're Brooke aren't you? The one with the clothing line" Brennan questioned.

"Yeah, how did you know?" Brooke replied.

"Mumma talks about you all the time, and about how much fun you used to have and how you were really cool. And she also said that she misses you."

"Oh really? Well I missed your mum too. And you know what...your mums pretty cool also."

--

"So we're going to be here for atleast another week Sawyer. This settlement is taking alot longer than I thought it would. Now I know this town is pretty boring, but I really need you here."

"It's fine..."

"And I'll need you to be at the meeting tonight..."

"Sure, what time is it?"

"From 4 till 7, and then there's a cocktail party afterwards which you'll have to be at also..."

"Oh. It's just that I've got Brennan and..."

"Sawyer...meeting and cocktail party. Be there."

"Okay."

I hated going to these things. Especially ones that were out of town. It meant leaving Brennan with a baby sitter, which not only cost money, but Brennan didn't like it at all. I dug my hand in my pocket and pulled out my cell. I pressed a few numbers before bringing the phone to my ear.

"Nathan...I need ask a favour."

--

"Nathan, thank you so much for this. I owe you big time" I sighed, putting Brennan's bag on the bench.

"It's fine. Besides, Haley's working late and I'm sure Jamie will love the company... Speaking of which... Jamie!! Come down here, I want you to meet someone" Nathan called.

"Coming dad" Jamie replied, running down the stairs so fast he almost fell over.

"Jamie, this is Brennan...he's your...well he's your cousin."

"I have a cousin? Cool" Jamie exclaimed. "Wanna go play Wii?"

"What's a Wii?" Brennan replied, confusion inking his face.

"Only the coolest thing ever. Come on."

The pair ran off towards the lounge room, diving straight towards the couch.

"Instant friendship" Nathan laughed.

"Yeah. So anyways, thank again. All of his stuff is in his bag, and you've got my number so call me if you need anything..." I told him.

"Yes, yes, it's fine...now go" Nathan insisted.

"Okay...cya."

"Bye."

--

"Enjoying the cocktail party Sawyer?" my boss asked.

"Oh...erm, yeah, it's great..." I lied.

"You've always been a bad liar" he laughed.

"Well...atleast I try" I smiled.

"Go on...go home. I don't need you here anymore. Get back to that kid of yours..."

"Oh, no, it's fine. You told me to be here, I'm here..."

"Sawyer, go. Honestly, I'll be fine without you."

"Thanks" I smiled. "I'll see you first thing monday morning."

"That you will."


	6. I Dont Get Anything Right The 1st Time

Walking up to the porch, I felt the sting of the sensor lights fall on me. I pressed the doorbell before kicking my shoes off.

"Peyton, hey, you're back early..." Nathan greeted me.

"Yeah, my boss sent me home. I wasn't exactly the life of the party" I laughed.

"Come in, come in. The boys had a blast. Brennan's asleep in the spare room. He's attached to that Ramones shirt isn't he."

"Nathan, I'm home. And Lucas is here. I said I'd cook him some dinner instead of those stupid frozen..." she trailed off. "Peyton."

The silence struck the room like ice. Haley stood directly in front of Nathan and I as we walked around the corner.

"Hi Haley..."

"Mumma, you're back!"

At that precise moment both Brennan and Lucas entered the lounge room. Lucas hadn't changed at all. His blue eyes were as bright as ever. His blonde hair tousled and only slightly longer than I remembered it.

"Mumma..."

Brennan tugged on my hand, waking me from my trance.

"Hi baby. How about you go and get your bag..."

"Okay."

Brennan smiled and ran off into the kitchen, leaving the room in complete silence again.

"We'd better go" I mumbled, walking passed a stunned Haley and Lucas. "Come on Brennan, let's go buddy."

"Hang on. What on earth is going on here?" Haley exclaimed.

"Haley..." Nathan interjected.

"I was asking Peyton" Haley scowled.

"I errr...Nathan was doing me a favour...I just needed-" I started but was cut off by Haley.

"I meant-"

"How about we discuss all this another time..." Nathan suggested with a warning glare, silencing Haley.

"Mumma...are we going?" Brennan asked, his bright blue eyes beaming up at me.

"Errr, yeah. Thanks again Nathan" I mumbled, pulling Brennan onto my hip and swinging his bag over my other shoulder.

I quickly walked past the group and towards the door, where I slipped my shoes back on and stepped outside. I hurried towards the company car I'd been given for this trip and placed Brennan in the child seat in the back.

"Peyton wait..."

The voice that could make my heart skip several beats. That smooth, soothing voice that gave me a tingly feeling down my spine.

Closing the car door, I closed my eyes and turned around.

"Lucas I...I can..."

"He's mine isn't he?"

"Luke..."

"Is he?"

"Yes."

I finally opened my eyes. His expression was pained and confused. I didn't know where to look, what to say...what to do.

"Wha...How...I don't understand..." he stuttered.

"I should go" I mumbled, opening the front door to the car.

"Hold on. I've got a son that you've been hiding from me for what, 5 years?"

"I...I tried to tell you..."

"I don't remember the phone call? Or letter or email or even an IM. What's going on Peyton..."

"Luke..." I sighed, closing the door again and taking a step forward.

"No Peyton. Why...why did you do this?" he asked, his voice now thick with anger. "Even through all of our differences, not telling me about this...it's...not you."

"I...I-"

"I can't believe this Peyton" his voice was now weakening as tears filled his eyes. "I don't even know his name, or his favourite colour or-"

"His name is Brennan Scott Sawyer. His birthday is December 12, meaning he's 4 and a half. His favourite colour is red. He loves to draw and listen to music. His favourite movie is The Nightmare Before Christmas. His favourite food is curly fries and his favourite drink is cherry soda. His best friends are Dean and Laura. He cant sleep unless he's wearing the Ramones shirt I'd wrap him in when he was a baby. Or if that's dirty, he wears mine. He was born a month premature and spent the first 6 months of his life in hospital. He has the same heart condition as you...and you guessed it...his favourite sport it basketball. Okay. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. But I can't take it back now. I wish I could, but I can't."

An awkward silence hit us once again. His eyes were dark with anger and sadness. Our breaths were both harsh and laboured.

"I have to go."

And with that I got in the car and drove away, leaving him standing one Nathan and Haley's front lawn. 


	7. I'll Laugh About All That We've Lost

Saturday morning. Oh how I loved Saturday mornings. Brennan and I would wake up and walk down to Joe's. Joe would make us the saturday special - chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and a glass of freshly squeezed OJ. After we'd finish there we'd go to the record store and spend hours listening to every vinyl, tape and CD we could lay our hands on. Then we'd go to the park where Brennan would play basketball with his friends. To finish our day off we'd go back to Joe's where he'd let us put a movie on the cafe TV. I loved Saturdays. And whilst they may not seem to fancy to an outsider, they were the days I looked forward to most.

This saturday however, was different. We were in Tree Hill.

"Mumma can we go to the rivercourt today?"

--

"So he likes basketball?"

Looking up from my post on the grandstand, I was met with those bright blue eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a sigh. I nodded instead. The grandstand creaked as he sat down beside me.

"His jump shot's pretty dodgy."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"He's working on it" I replied, starring at my feet.

A deafening silence overcame us as per usual.

"Peyton. Did you know you were pregnant when I proposed?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I...I couldn't. I tried, I really did. But when I woke up the next morning and you where gone...I didn't know what to do. I figured the best thing I could do for all of us was to just cut myself off from everyone. You had your basketball and college, and your book to worry about. I didn't want you to hate me even more..."

"Hate you? Peyton, I could never hate you."

I really hated these silences. They drove me insane.

"I was at that book signing Luke. I was there and...and so was Brennan. I...I...saw you with that girl Luke. I figured...you two were together and...when I chose to cut myself off that I'd done the right thing."

I had been trying so hard not to cry, so hard to keep a brave face infront of him, but my walls were starting to crumble.

"Peyton...I..." he let out a deep sigh. "If I had known-"

"What Luke? You would have dropped everything and moved to LA? I wouldn't want that for you. And I wouldn't want you to resent me for making you give up your dreams. It was just better this way."

"Mumma!"

Brennan's exclamation woke Lucas and I from our trance. I snapped my head up and searched the court with my eyes for Brennan. He was lying on his side clutching his chest, a pained expression on his face. I sprang from my seat on the grand stand and ran to his side.

"Brennan, what's wrong?"

"My chest...hurts" he sobbed.

A mental image hit me hard and fast - Lucas lying in his hospital bed unconscious after he'd had his heart attack. I was not about to let that happen to Brennan.

"Luke! Call an ambulance!"


	8. All That You Know Is Broken Inside

Have you ever had one of those moments where your whole life flashes before your eyes

Have you ever had one of those moments where your whole life flashes before your eyes? When you feel like if you let anyone or anything else in for just a second, your walls will crumble. When you hope and pray that you could just cling onto that special something for just one moment…just one precious moment, and that in that moment everything would be fine. Nothing would hurt you. Nothing would dare lay a finger on you. That in that moment the world would stand still and there would be simple clarity. Well, in that very moment of time, that was all I could feel.

I clung onto Brennan's hand as tight as I possibly could. His face was cold and emotionless. What seemed like an endless amount of tubes and wires left his tiny body. It made my soul ache to see him like this, to watch him helplessly and hope for dear life that everything was going to be okay. It reminded me too much of those first few months with him, of the endless hours I spent by his side, clinging to his fragile fingers through his incubator. It reminded me too much of the kind but knowing gazes the nurses would direct to me. And most of all, it reminded me of the moments I would spend wondering where on earth I was in this world, where I stood, where I belonged, how I felt, how I fit in, who I was.

"The doctor said he'll be in soon."

Lucas Scott. Oh that boy. Even after all this time, his voice still sent chills up my spine and a warm, tingly feeling straight to the pit of my stomach..

"Okay."

God damn it, these silences were sending me insane.

"Peyton…I need to talk to you about something. That girl you saw, at the book signing…that's my fiancé – Lindsey."

Everything he said after than only reached me in a muffled blur. His fiancé? He was getting married? My brain was racing a million miles a second. Even thinking those words made my stomach lurch forward.

"Miss Sawyer?"

The chilling sound of the doctors voice hit me like a rock.

"What can you tell me? Is he gunna be okay? What happened to him? Is he-"

"Miss Sawyer. Brennan's in a very serious condition. He had a minor heat attack, but any kind of heart attack for a 4 year old is very serious. We're gunna need to keep him in hospital for a while to monitor him and run some tests."

"Is he gunna be okay?" Lucas interjected.

"At the moment, we're not completely sure. But hopefully, if e keep him here on the medication and monitor him…he should be fine. Now I've got to go, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask the nurses."

"Thanks."


End file.
